


Coming Out of the Closet to Your Friends (And More Advice About Life), AKA Screw You All We're Not Even In Any Kind of Relationship

by Fallen_Out_Pheonix (TheDisloyalOne)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDisloyalOne/pseuds/Fallen_Out_Pheonix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's elite task force locks him in a closet with a Hanji/Hange, hoping the two will discuss their relationship. Big mistake on their part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Out of the Closet to Your Friends (And More Advice About Life), AKA Screw You All We're Not Even In Any Kind of Relationship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grannahreadsenochian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grannahreadsenochian/gifts).



> So this is based on the anime, not the manga, so Hanji is in fact a woman, instead of indeterminate gender. Also, I am spelling it Hanji rather than Hange, just because I like it better. Sorry if this offends anyone. If it does I will (pretend to) send you a free tub of imaginary ice cream and my condolences.

It was cleaning day, Levi's favorite day of the week. Now that he had his new special task force, he could clean the entire barracks in mere hours! His heart fluttered just thinking about it -- a sparkling, dust-free environment, without a sign of dirt anywhere! Oh, it was wonderful to be young (cough cough sorry I'm done). 

He practically skipped to the utility closet where the mops and brooms and such were kept, thinking dreamily of that beautiful sight. He was so caught up in his daydream that he almost didn't notice Hanji at the door; she was carrying a mop and bucket a little ways down the hall. She beamed at the sight of Levi. 

"Oh, Levi! Fancy meeting you here! What are you doing here? Anything exciting happening?" 

Levi sighed. "Oi, Hanji. Stop with the gushing. Of course nothing exciting is happening. I'm here to get the damn cleaning supplies, and if you'll excuse me, I will do just that." 

Hanji's grin widened. "Oh of course! I forgot about the cleaning! I was just cleaning up a mess out in the yard. One of my newest specimens got loose and nearly ate one of my best workers! Bit his arm clear off! There was blood everywhere! Anyway, I was just bringing these back to put them away." 

Levi rolled his eyes and opened the closet door. "Yes, I gathered as much." He was reaching in to pull out a bucket, when someone pushed him from behind. 

"Oi!" he yelled, falling onto his knees. "Who the hell --" 

Hanji tumbled in on top of him. "Hello again!"

"What the --" 

The door slammed, and Levi and Hanji heard the lock click. 

"Great. Just great," Levi grumbled. "Now who's going to do the cleaning?" 

Outside Levi could hear murmuring and a couple of snickers. "When I catch the idiots who did this, they're going to wish they had been grabbed by a titan and gnashed into a tiny pulp." 

Hanji smiled. "How pleasant. I must say, it's rather cramped in here, isn't it Levi? ...Maybe now would be a good time to talk about --" 

"Not now, Hanji. I'm busy." Levi eyed the door, then the hinges. "Aaaaand -- HYAH!"

He kicked the door down. It exploded, pieces flying everywhere. In front of him, his entire squad stared at him in terror. Eren was in the front of the group, with Jean right next to him, and Armin was holding onto Connie behind them. Sasha leaned in next to them.

"All right you assholes, who's idea was this?" he yelled. 

They each pointed at a different person. In the shadows behind them, Mikasa leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. 

"Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with this." 

Levi grabbed a shard of the door. "Idiots. Now you've just gone and made more work for yourselves. Clean this up, and when you're done, sweep out and mop the entire barracks! Twice! And then, come see me. I'll be in my office, waiting to tear you apart limb by limb." 

The squad leader began to walk away. "And one more thing."

Connie, Sasha, and Armin gulped. Levi stopped and turned, sending death glares at the group. 

"Don't ever lock me in a closet with Hanji Zoe ever again.

 

Ever."

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a tumblr post talking about cliche fanfic tropes, specifically, being locked in a closet together. This was the first thing that came to mind.  
> If anyone's interested, here's the link: http://teenagefrankzhang.tumblr.com/post/120662323647/super-cliche-fanfic-tropes-i-will-literally-never


End file.
